be authentic
This Saturday my niece is getting married to her long time boyfriend at a local country club. The wedding will be in the morning with both the ceremony and reception inside. Mercifully we’ll be comfortable while eating from a large brunch buffet with plenty of pancakes, home made pop tarts and a myriad of their favorite desserts. After the reception my niece and her husband will be going to Las Vegas with his family.
It’s a miracle that I am still here and feeling healthy enough to get to this wedding. In April I was told that this fourth relapse of lymphoma was incurable and I had four-six months left, unless some experimental infusions could give me more time.
We had four weddings to get to this year and if I could, I’d try to make at least the first one which was during Memorial Day weekend.
Miraculously the infusions worked and I was able to attend three out of the four weddings. I was full of gratitude and joy that I could be there in person, and tried not to dwell on my disappointment at not getting to the third wedding.
Weddings are always joyous occasions and while I was so thrilled to be included, what I found even more remarkable was that each wedding was so authentic and perfectly reflected what the bride and groom (and also the groom and groom) wanted. The first wedding was held in a lush green clearing in the backwoods of Virginia with a beautiful stone wall that served as the backdrop during the ceremony. The second wedding between two grooms was in France on the grounds of a old monastery situated in a remote area near the mountains. The third wedding was at the beach with a huge wedding party and lots of gorgeous flowers. And this Saturday’s wedding will be just as my niece and her future husband want—a brunch buffet, lots of sweet delicacies and a photo booth.
It takes practice to dig deep and think what do I really want? How do I express my deepest thoughts without hurt feelings? How do I know what’s right with so many conflicting voices in my head? You have to stamp out the noise, be transparent, and voice your needs. It also means expressing frustration or fear even if it feels you’re being overly dramatic and impulsive.
In January 2018, at the beginning of my battle with cancer, I felt anxious and nervous and confessed all my sins. I was irreverent, rebellious and complacent, depending on my mood. But it was always real. My doctor liked to say I was a “high maintenance” patient. I argued that her patients probably go home and throw a rock in their window if they’re too quiet at the cancer clinic.
It’s not healthy to let your feelings fester and not reveal your authentic self. Be brave and start your journey with honesty, transparency and plain talk.
In your authentic life pancakes and pop tarts are perfectly acceptable.
And remember this too:
“This above all: to thine own self be true.’
William Shakespeare
For musical inspiration here’s a link to a classic song: